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Well, I've walked down the aisle
As much as Liz Taylor
But I've always stood off to the side
Each bride has me dressed
In a gown I detest
Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.
For Caitlin, I wore satin
Which I looked really fat in.
Then again, you should have seen her man Ken;
All those calories he logged up
Til his arteries clogged up
He died on the couch watching ESPN.
Too many weddings, too many dresses
That all make my hips look so wide.
Not a gown I'd reuse
Ditto the matching shoes;
Always a bridesmaid
Never a bride.
For Tabitha, I wore taffetta
You should never people laugh at ya
But I had a hunch her marriage was doomed.
The groom tried to stroke me
While we danced the Hokey Pokey
They divorced before the honeymoon.
Once my gown was velourish
Made me look kind of whorish
But my best friend Delores
Was never quite same
She shot her new mister
Cuz he bedded her sister
He's not dead, but now he walks like John Wayne.
Too many weddings, too many dresses,
That all make my hips look so wide
My friends can't assess
A man or a dress
Always a bridesmaid
Never a bride.
When I look in my closet,
There's a rainbow deposit
Of gowns so grotesque that I groan
All those husbands are gone,
But those dresses live on,
Even moths seem to leave them alone.
Too many weddings, too many messes
But at least I've hung on to my pride.
I've lived life alone, but the terms are my own.
Always a bridesmaid, (thank you Lord!)
Never a bride!
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